Hundred Thousand Dollar Listing and Guess Who’s (Maybe) Moving To Beverly Hills

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Taylor and John back on TV?                                          Photo: E!Online

By Tara Cushing (@TheBravoBlonde)

Here’s a recipe for you:

Take Ryan Serhant , transgender him, place him in the suburbs and knock down the price of sale to what typically is chump change on Million Dollar Listing New York.

Welcome to my life. For the past year I have dealt with strangers, many inconsiderate, traipsing their dirty shoes through my house at all inconvenient hours only to tear it (and my hope and pride) apart. Until finally somebody saw what I see (at a much reduced price from what I paid) and gave me the opportunity to be an inconsiderate stranger dragging my dirty shoes through somebody else’s price inflated house.

Welcome to the reality of the real estate game. It’s not glamorous. It’s tedious, disheartening, emotional, expensive and very messy. Luckily, I have crossed many hurdles and can see the light (or the wires hanging from the spot where my chandelier once hung that I will have to replace) at the end of the tunnel.

It’s been a long road, but hopefully the bank will see that I am trustworthy, honest, and not laundering drug money (yeah they really suspect everybody of that these days) and soon I will have my upsized new home (and the bills that come with it).

Until that day my life is in chaos, which is why I have not been on my A game with this blog. I am good with optimism, I am good with finding the humor in the darkest of situations, but I SUCK at compartmentalizing my feelings. Like many writers I wear my heart on my sleeve, and the feeling that I have the hardest time suppressing is that of anxiety (my friends over at Skinnygirl cocktails sometimes help me with that one). So, alas, I have found it nearly impossible to focus on ANYTHING  but making this move happen (that and helping my friends over at nikscreations.com with their social media campaign). I do plan on being very inspired once all is said and done, however, as my new abode has the perfect spot just for me to sit and write. Oh think of the interior decorating I will do…and write about!

Speaking of new abodes here’s a little niblet just for you all as I don’t believe ANYBODY else in the loop has heard this one yet. A reliable source has told me that Taylor Armstrong and hubby John Bluher (Couples Therapy-Season 4) are in talks to return to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:

“Taylor is living in Scottsdale (AZ) for now but is moving,” our source says. “(She) is going back to RHOBH. No one knows yet. They’re looking for a home in Beverly Hills.”

Where did our source hear this little nugget? Why from Mr. and Mrs. Bluher themselves. So would you like to see Taylor back as a 90210 Housewife? Tell us your thoughts below!

Until then, happy house-hunting Taylor and John. Welcome to my world.

July Raves

1 purity cleansing wipes from Philosophy 2 Pet Odor Exterminator Candle Mulberry & Spice Scent 3  Shark Navigator vacuum cleaner 4 Lucky Brand strapless cotton romper 5 Puddle Jumper life jacket 6 Skinnygirl Cocktails White Cranberry Cosmo

1 purity cleansing wipes from Philosophy 2 Pet Odor Exterminator Candle Mulberry & Spice Scent 3 Shark Navigator vacuum cleaner 4 Lucky Brand strapless cotton romper 5 Puddle Jumper life jacket 6 Skinnygirl Cocktails White Cranberry Cosmo

By Tara Cushing @TheBravoBlonde

The lazy days of summer are finally upon us, but some things just need to get done. Here are my current favorite things that make what we must do this summer a little easier to accomplish:

One thing I confess to being lazy about is skincare. By the time I am able to shut down for the evening I’m too exhausted to do the whole washing routine. My first rave is for lazy face washers like me everywhere. In May I raved about Philosophy body wash, this month it’s their purity one-step facial cleansing cloths. They are a tad bit pricey ($15 for a 30 count package), but they get the job done. I’ve tried cheaper brands and even regular baby wipes, but they dried out my skin and left me looking like Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner after a good cry. I purchased my purity wipes at Sephora, but they are also available at Philosophy ‘s website. Try them and never wake up with makeup stains on your pillow again.

Summer brings with it certain smells. The honeysuckle in the breeze, the brine of the ocean, the stench of your pet on a humid day. Recently I had an issue with this and was mortified when a house guest (ok home shopper) noticed a “strong dog odor” in my home. I went so psycho over the whole thing that I dumped an entire can of freshening powder on my carpets and broke a vacuum cleaner that was less than a year old trying to suck it up. We had to rent the industrial vac from Home Depot and buy a whole new vacuum (see next rave) after the debacle. In the end my house still smelled like the dog (turns out it was him, not the carpets). When grooming didn’t even help I turned to my local pet supply store and that is where I found the Pet Odor Exterminator Candle. They offer a 100% money back guarantee if it doesn’t work…it works. It works so well, in fact, that my realtor commented “The place smells amazing”and my house even sold! You can find the candle on Amazon. I recommend the Mulberry & Spice scent.

After I broke my vacuum I was faced with having to buy a new one for the second time in less than a year. Not wanting to spend a ton this time I looked for a less expensive brand. I’d heard many people rave about their Shark brand vacuums, including my mother. I got a Shark Navigator at Bed Bath & Beyond for about $130 with my coupon and it is THE BEST VACUUM I’VE EVER OWNED. I don’t know whether I should be excited or terrified by the amount of dirt this thing sucks up and it’s got such power it needs minimal push. Even better it comes apart and has a fabulous attachment for doing the stairs, upholstery, and the car interior. Now if you really really want to be lazy you could spring the big bucks for a Roomba, but, don’t let my husband read this, vacuuming with my Shark is kind of fun…almost.

Now that it’s hot out getting dressed is a chore, and uncomfortable. Since it’s not appropriate to be naked in most communities, one step lightweight clothes are the way to go. How to look cute when you just want to throw something on? Lucky Brand makes adorable lightweight strapless rompers with hints of lace so you can look put together, stay cool, and dress down. Perfect for the pool, beach, running errands, you will feel like you’re wearing nothing, without the risk of getting arrested. I got mine at Lord & Taylor (coupon!), but Nordstrom, Macy’s, and Bloomingdale’s also carry them (in fact Bloomies has it on sale until July 5th!).

So you want to be lazy poolside and just watch your little ones swim? You need to get them Puddle Jumper life jackets by Stearns. Unlike traditional floaties, these don’t have to be blown up. They are one piece that slide up the arms and fasten around the body, giving your child three areas of support. My kids love theirs and can spend the whole day wearing them without complaint. Kids who don’t complain are awesome. You can find them at Target and pool supply stores.

Finally, what’s the summer without a cocktail? Again, I’m lazy, I don’t want to mix my drink, hey, I’m on vacation. My favorite ready to go cocktail du jour is Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo. Made with “vodka, triple sec, and natural flavors” one serving is only 34 calories, which is awesome when you are spending your days running around half-naked in the heat. The flavor is fruity but not too sweet and seriously, who doesn’t love a Cosmo? It’s also clear in color, which is great for when you spill your drink and are too lazy to try and coerce the stain out of your strapless romper.You can order Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo online (if your region allows) at Total Wine.

Will you or have your tried any of my raves? What are you raving about? Share with us, we’d love to hear from you!

Secrets and Wives- Bravo Finally Nails Long Island

From Left: Liza Sandler, Amy Miller, Gail Greenberg,Susan Doneson,Cori Goldfarb, and Andi Black of Secrets and Wives Photo: Bravotv.com

From Left: Liza Sandler, Amy Miller, Gail Greenberg,Susan Doneson,Cori Goldfarb, and Andi Black of Secrets and Wives
Photo: Bravotv.com

By Tara Cushing (@TheBravoBlonde)

Cori Goldfarb, Gail Greenberg, Andi Black, Amy Miller, Liza Sandler, and Susan Doneson. It may read like the roster from my childhood summer camp, but this is actually the cast from Bravo’s latest reality venture Secrets and WivesThis is Bravo’s second attempt to bring us catfights and crazy from Long Island, NY, and I think this time they may have gotten it right. Princesses Long Island was just too young, and the drama was too juvenile. Even myself, who is fluent in the language of the Jewish American Princess, couldn’t get into it. However, with SW, the princesses are all wearing their big girl panties, and dropping them for one another’s husbands. Throw in all the talk of blow jobs and it really is like my summer camp.

The cast of Secrets has all the makings of reality star success. The women are unapologetically raw with their language, they think out loud, and they live over the top in magnificent mansions…some floated by ex-husbands. There are lots of ex-husbands and ex-husband drama to boot. Liza Sandler (@TheLizaSandler) is the typical Long Island blonde tanorexic. She lives in a fabulous home that her ex is trying to sell out from under her. Episode one featured her crying in frustration into the steering wheel of her Mercedes after he pushes her buttons via phone.

No need to worry too much about Liza, as she’s never alone. She’s got her BFF Andi Black (@TheAndiBlack) to share her home and fart in her bed…yes this was really a conversation on the show. I’m still not sure exactly what Andi is doing at Liza’s. I often miss some of the details on the show because I’m trying to tell all these bottle blondes apart, hence why it’s taken me two episodes to review.Thank heavens for Susan Doneson.

Susan (@SusanDoneson) is the token brunette, and Italian (or wannabe Italian…is Doneson an Italian name?) on the show. Italians and Jews are like peanut butter and jelly. We all have the same values…food, family, loud talking, and food. Susan lives on the South Shore of Long Island, which means in comparison to her mansion dwelling North Shore counterparts, she’s slumming it a-la Antonia Gorga in a nice sized colonial. She also works, and doesn’t cease to remind the wealthy housewives around her of that fact. Susan is not only the resident Italian, she’s also the resident pot stirrer. She’s got a story and opinion about everybody and has outed Liza as the group slut. Susan’s husband is a Tony Soprano type who hung out with Liza in high school. Note most of these women have known each other since high school. These days Susan’s husband seems better suited to hang out with Dorinda Medley‘s boyfriend on The Real Housewives of New York City

Amy Miller (@amydmillerr) is the hopeless romantic of the group, in an equally hopeless relationship. She’s sweet and vulnerable, and is with a veritable jerk. Well, he’s only a jerk in front of other people and cameras. Like Snuffelupgas was to Big Bird, this is Amy’s boyfriend to everybody else. Nobody, not even her own son, has seen the supposed soft side of this man. The women all talk about Amy in worried whispers. To me she’s the most down to earth and I hope she gets her happy ending.

Gail Greenberg (@Gailygreenberg) is the group outcast. The second (or is it third) wife of the North Shore’s most prominent plastic surgeon, she shuffles around her palatial estate with her little dog and maid in tow. Whether packing for fabulous vacations, or being the star of Soul Cycle class, Gail is forever chasing the fountain of youth in pigtails…yes she wore pigtails in episode two, just ask Susan.

Cori Goldfarb (@Corigoldfarb) may just be my favorite. She’s an entrepreneur who traded in her Hamptons vacation home to open Truth and Beauty, a luxurious spa that appears to be bleeding money as she and her husband struggle to get it off the ground. Cori is no nonsense and blunt, but retains her class at the same time, which is more than I can say for the others. She raises her daughters with the right dose of love and sarcasm, the same sarcasm with which she nurtures her marriage.

If Secrets and Wives can retain its natural flow between the women of the cast this show could be the reality savior Bravo has been looking for. However, if history repeats itself and the women get caught up in faking drama we will end up with Real Housewives Of New Jersey with a side of Challah bread. For now however I give Secrets and Wives two tackily manicured thumbs up.